Guiding Light
by uglyducklingdrabbles
Summary: A story about finding your brightest light, and doing everything in your power to protect it.
1. Chasing the Light

I've always taken light for granted. It's such a powerful concept; the way it just completely disintegrates blackness in such an effortless way, is truly miraculous. Given what I do as a side job, dealing with light tends to be on the backburner. Darkness, since becoming The Arrow, has been one ally. I never realized that light had such an impact on my life as it did until I returned from the island the second time; until Sara told me that light was still a part of me, that it just needed to be harnessed, and protected.

She was sitting at her desk, her blonde head staring at the computer screen, her legs crossed in a dainty fashion. Her glasses were neatly perched atop her small nose, and her hair rested in a ponytail. She was hard at work, per usual, one of the many qualities that I've admired about her. More than that, however, is her belief in lost causes. If you looked up the term 'lost cause' in the dictionary, my picture would be all that you see. She is the only one, besides Diggle, who has ever believed that I was actually more than just The Arrow – she believes that I am not only a hero, but a savior.

"Oliver?" I heard her voice and smiled, leaving my office only to be in hers two seconds later.

"Miss Smoak?" It came out as a question, but the smile never left my face, a telling sign that we were exchanging playful banter.

"I'm afraid I can't make lunch today." Her red lips were turned down in a frown. My heart sank. Lunch with Felicity Smoak was the one thing I was looking forward to today. Between busy schedules, and pointless meetings, this one loophole painted within my botched life was the one thing giving me hope.

"Why?" I asked, knowing the answer. Felicity had been seeing someone for the past couple weeks. A business rival of his, named Ray Palmer. He was good looking, rich, and a match for himself. I despised the man.

"Ray wanted to take me out. I'm really sorry. I know you were looking forward to this. So was I." Her eyes peered down, and she looked so solemn, so broken. If she was excited for the lunch, why cancel at the last minute. Why choose her try-hard boyfriend over someone who would drop everything for her – someone who loves her unconditionally?

"Don't even worry about it." I swallowed back the urge to make snide remarks on her choice. After all, it was her choice. Her choice to have lunch with her new boyfriend. Her choice to bail on the one event that I was excited about. Her choice to disregard the fact that she was my everything.

"You okay?" She asked. She knew. She always knew. "You seem… I don't know. Distracted."

The debate rattled around in my brain for what seemed like hours; tell her how I feel about the situation, or run for the hills. Either way, I would lose the one thing that meant the absolute world to me. Either way, I'd be falling into darkness.

A sigh escaped my lips. Brushing a hand through my hair, I spoke, my mind going many different speeds. "Actually… um, no. I-I'm not."

She got up from her chair, a concerned look painted on her beautiful features. Crap. She was worried.

"Oliver, why are you acting like this?" She placed her hands on either side of me; her touch woke me up from my wimpy demeanor.

"Because… because I'm angry, Felicity." I watched as her expression changed from one of worry, to one of curiosity. "I'm angry at the choice you made." I started pacing now, trying to find the right words within the confines of my lovesick mind.

"You're basing all of this off my lunch date with Ray? That's a little dramatic, Oliver."

I walked towards her, limiting the distance between us. We were now inches apart. I could feel her sweet breath on my strewn face. My heart started skipping beats, and not just from the adrenaline.

"Lunch has nothing to do with this." I slowly placed my hands on either side of her face; I took some moments to really soak in the masterpiece before me. Her beautiful blonde hair, her bright red lips, her delicate, but confident features. She was perfect in every way; she was the face I saw in my dreams every night. "This has to do with the choice you made the minute he walked into your life. This has to do with the fact that you chose _him_. That he's the one getting all your attention. I guess I'm not the only hero who believes in you anymore."

Before I could gather my thoughts, our lips met. The kiss sent electrifying waves down every inch of my body; she was tiny, but fit perfectly in my grasp.

Felicity was the one to break the kiss. She wiped her mouth. Her eyes were filled with emotions I couldn't quite decipher. Confusion? Excitement? Fulfillment? Guilt? Reading Felicity Smoak in this given moment was one thing I couldn't do.

With that, I turned and walked out, the clicking of my shoes on the floor resembling the rapid pace of my heart. She was going to see the light. She was going to see how much of an impact she had on me. She was my light, and it was time I became hers.

* * *

She opened the door; her pink elephant pajamas brought a small smile to my face, but it slowly faded. Her expression was angry, as it should've been, rightfully so. Her manicured hands were crossed.

"OH! Look who it is?! Shouldn't you be kissing other girls with boyfriends at this time of night?" Her sarcasm stung me, but I shook it off.

"Can we just talk, please?" I hated that she was mad at me. I hated that she didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. I hated that I potentially ruined her relationship with the one guy that virtually makes me ill. I hated it all.

"Talk, or make out? Clearly you don't know the difference between the two." She left the door open and started for the couch, a sign for me to walk in. She was taking this whole situation to the extreme. Her attitude started to spark something in me.

"I didn't come by to fight, okay? I came by to tell you, that I just want you to be happy, and if that's with him, then so be it."

The first part of that sentence was one-hundred percent true. I did want her to be happy. I always want her to be happy. Did I want her happiness to be Ray? No, but I couldn't tell her that for fear of a potential, future computer virus making its way to my computer at Queen Consolidated.

Now Felicity was the one who closed the space between us. Her arms were still crossed, but she didn't appear as defensive. Her exterior was now softer, signaling to me that she was almost ready to let me in again.

"What do you want from me, Oliver?" She asked, with a tiny shrug.

I took her hand in mine and watched as her demeanor changed yet again; she appeared to melt away.

Gathering everything that I had, and everything that was bundled inside my brain, I uttered out almost incoherent words. "I want you to see it, Felicity. I want you to see that what you need the most is right in front of you."

I left without another word.


	2. Latch

It feels like it's been an eternity, but it's only been three days. Three days since our fight. Three days since we've last spoken. Three days since I've seen her face. This entire situation was my fault. I glanced over at her empty desk, and sighed. Shaking my head, I grabbed the phone, dialing her number. The only sound resonating from the other end was her answering machine. I placed my head in my hands. I could feel the darkness coming to the surface.

I heard footsteps, which caused my head to shoot up. My eyes scanned outside my office. Suddenly, even more heat was added to this already massive fire. It was him. Her newfound source of comfort. Her light. Her hero.

"Mister Queen. May I have a word?" Ray Palmer stood outside my door, a smug, but mellow expression plastered across his face. What a buffoon.

"Of course, Mister Palmer. What can I do for you?" I bit my tongue, resisting the urge to take him by his stupid blue tie and strangle him. It took everything I had not to yell at him for taking away my humanity.

"I know this is rather unprofessional of me, but I'm actually not here for business. I came to discuss Felicity." He shifted in his seat, acting almost as if he were uncomfortable around me. That makes two of us, kid. That makes two of us.

"What about Felicity?" I asked, knowing very well what the answer was. I crossed my arms, my grey suit crinkling in random places.

"She's been acting… differently, these past few days. Not herself." At that I wanted to scream. This guy doesn't know her. He hasn't saved her from dangerous situations. He hasn't watched her grow and blossom into a wonderful human being. He hasn't seen her work her way through struggles and difficult situations.

"I don't know why. She seemed fine a couple days ago." That lie slipped through my teeth like butter. I just sat there and watched him fidget; he kept playing with his tie, and crossing his legs, clearly uncomfortable with the subject of our current conversation. His demeanor almost made me laugh, but I suppressed it.

"Has she talked to you at all?" I tried reading his eyes. I tried seeing what she saw. Nothing. A blank canvas.

"Nope. No... She hasn't." Another lie. A smirk spread across my face. We sat there in silence yet again, just issuing looks of hatred. Finally, he was the one to get up, initiating the end of our conversation.

"If you see her, just… Tell her that I need to talk to her, okay?" He started to leave, picking up his expensive briefcase, straightening his tie and jacket. I released a pent up sigh as I got up. We shook hands, but mid-shake, I gave him a piece of advice, one that I hoped he would follow.

"I have contacts in high places, Mr. Palmer. If you hurt her, don't be alarmed when an arrow gets driven through your chest."

There was a slight look of fear that developed on his face. Briefly, however, for his expression quickly changed to one of anger. He walked out without another word.

* * *

I found her at the arrow cave. She was at her computer desk, typing away aimlessly, and furiously. I stood there, her back turned to me, for a while, making myself purposefully silent. After some time, she discovered my presence.

"I've been avoiding you for a reason." These words left her bright pink lips. They stung a little. I walked to one of the tables and leaned against it, crossing my arms in the process.

"We need to talk about this, Felicity. You can't keep acting like I don't exist." I watched as she got up, and just stood there, her back still turned to me. She was permeating a defensive exterior, but she also looked small. All I wanted was to take her in my arms and hug her senseless.

"We can't talk about this, Oliver. It's too late." I heard a small sigh come from her direction. She started playing with her ponytail. "Everything is just too damaged."

I hung my head, my entire body aching for her forgiveness. "You're special." It came out as, what I thought was, an incoherent mumble. Clearly not.

"What?" Felicity turned, her eyes wide through her black rimmed glasses.

I stood, my legs feeling shaky and weak. My heart was synced to her previous rapid typing. "You're. Special. Too special to be with someone like him." My hand went to her cheek, and surprisingly, she did not hesitate. She let me keep it there.

Her next words came out as a whisper. They were soft, but contained so much wonderment. "You shouldn't be mad at Ray."

Something set me off. I started pacing, all the held up emotions flooding to the surface. I was no longer feeling the need to suppress my words. "You don't get it, Felicity. It's INFURIATING. It's infuriating watching you two together, breathing the same air, touching, laughing at each other's jokes. I'm not afraid to say it anymore… but he's not good for you."

Her expression faltered. She appeared no longer as the sweet IT girl. She was now fueled, angered by my current revelation. "Not good for me? I'm the one making the choices here, Oliver. I made the choice that I did because you're pushing yourself away. You're the one who said you can't be with someone you could potentially care about because of your life. So be it, Oliver. SO BE IT." Tears were flooding down her delicate features.

After this moment, everything was intensified. Before I knew it, her lips where on mine, our bodies flowing with each other. Everything during this moment felt right. It felt right. I finally felt whole again, at least for the given moments that we were exchanging together.

I didn't care about her boyfriend. I could care less. All I cared about was her. Felicity Smoak. My partner, my hero… My light.


	3. I Choose You

She has been avoiding me; it's not necessarily the avoidance that fuels my anger, however. It's the mere thought of not having her consistently in my life that fuels the fire. My eyes shifted to a photo resting neatly on my desk. It was of the three of us: Digg, Felicity and I. We were happy. I remember taking that photo. It was taken the day after I had returned from the island the second time. My emotions were scattered that day. The main emotion that was seared in my brain from that day, however, is that I missed her when I was on Lian Yu. I really missed her, just like I do now.

I glanced at the screen of my ringing phone; Digg was calling me. With a frustrated sigh, I answered it, already knowing what the contents of the conversation were going to entail.

"If this has anything to do with Felicity, I suggest hanging up the phone immediately." My suit jacket was spread neatly across my desk chair; the material rested against my white dress shirt. My tie was blue, and was currently being adjusted between the fingers of my free-hand. My dress-shoe clad feet were resting atop the mahogany desk. No one else was at the office.

"Just come down to the Arrow cave, Oliver. We need to have a discussion." It was the shortest conversation I had ever had with Diggle, for he hung up two seconds later.

I arrived at the Arrow cave less than twenty minutes later. Diggle was there, sitting at Felicity's computer desk, not typing or reading the screens, but just sitting, pondering his thoughts. He turned towards me when I entered the cave.

We both sat in silence for a few moments. We knew the upcoming conversation was going to have parameters, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"You know why I'm here, Oliver." I heard Diggle sigh. "These are dangerous waters you're heading into."

I scoffed. Dangerous waters? No. Dangerous waters would be everything I do during my nights; shooting dangerous criminals with arrows whilst trying not to kill them, yeah, that's the definition of dangerous waters. I was not heading into dangerous waters with Felicity. I was following my heart, which sometimes can be anything but dangerous… but can often be deadly.

"What am I supposed to do, Digg? Just watch them be happy? It kills me." I started pacing, my feet suddenly having a mind of their own.

"Don't you think you should be supportive of the choices that she makes, instead of making her feel guilty over them?"

Diggle always was wise. He always knew, like Felicity, what to say when situations were just not going as planned. That's why I trust him. That's why I trust _her_.

"It's just-. " It was hard for me to formulate the words; my mind was racing at a rapid, unintelligible speed. "It's happening again, Digg. Same thing happened with Barry. I can't get her out of my head."

Diggle got up, crossing his arms in the process. He began to speak. "Just tell me something, Oliver. What do you think is the reason for you giving the poor guy a hard time?"

I pondered what answer to submit. I could tell Diggle the truth of the matter, possibly receiving an 'I told you so' in the process; I could give him a half-answer, one that half relays the truth and half doesn't. Whichever path I chose, I was doomed.

"I'm giving him a hard time because… because…" The next response that came out of myself surprised me, for saying the words out loud was a revelation. "…because I love her."

Diggle looked down at his feet, his next words almost not heard through my loud beating of my heart. "Oliver, you need to be careful here. She chose him because you have been pushing her away for her safety. I think now, it's your job to figure out what you ultimately want."

With that, Diggle grabbed his coat off of the nearby chair, and walked out, leaving me wallowing in my own revelations.

The backup foundry was the perfect place for thinking about life, and your choices. It was an empty warehouse, thus resulting in vast, empty spaces that allow for the ultimate place to aid thought processes. I was standing against a pillar, my arms crossed, my feet firmly planted on the ground. My mind was racing, as was my heart, and I felt that I had just revealed my whole soul.

I heard footsteps and whipped around. It was her. She was standing there, blue coat on, with her glasses, and her blonde hair tucked neatly into a ponytail, and her emotions slack.

"Diggle said I would find you here." She was closed off and reserved. Understandable, considering everything I've put her through the last couple days.

"Why are you here, Felicity?" That question didn't need to be asked. I already knew. She was here because she was choosing him, after everything that had happened. She was choosing her newfound sense of belonging, over the one that's been there for her all this time. She was taking the easy way out.

"You know why." Step. Step. She was closer. "We need to talk about this. We need to have a civil, adult conversation." Step. Step. She was even closer. "I need to tell you my choice."

Choice. That word rang in my ear. The subject of choice has been an evident one these past couple days; whether she was choosing her new hero or her old, the outcome was going to be altered.

"What's your choice? I thought you already made it." That came out as a mumble, the words slipping over my tongue and through my teeth like they were toxic.

Step. Step. She was even closer now. There was hardly any valuable space between us now. "I did." She placed her manicured hands on either side of my face, electricity coursing through my body as evidence of her touch. "I made it the minute I decided to sign on with you." A smile appeared at her lips. I have not seen her smile in many days, and it felt really nice, seeing her smile. It felt really damn nice.

"You will always be my first choice. Always."


End file.
